Third Time's the Charm? (Heidi)

Wednesday evening, April 18, I am thinking about McKenna and where she is on the trail, wishing I could be with her, when I turn to C in our kitchen in Montana and wonder out loud if I can get back on the trail. Nothing more, just a thought. She's out of the desert and in some forests I had been looking forward to hiking. And I miss her.

The next day, C and I rent a backhoe and spend all day cleaning irrigation ditches and clearing up some of the winter deadfall. It's hard work and we're exhausted at the end of the day. But in bed that night, I start thinking about logistics of joining McKenna on the trail.

By Friday I'm 90% sure I'm going to try to meet her in Flagstaff. I let my boss, my client, and the young man that works for me know I'm probably going to take the next two weeks off. Everyone is supportive and encouraging... I am so lucky to have an understanding and supportive work team. C is also supportive; we both know McKenna is struggling on her own. Although he is worried about whether my feet are ready. So am I.

On Saturday I pack. I jump in my truck Sunday morning, heading south to Flagstaff. I've decided to not tell McKenna I'm driving down to meet her, but during the drive I'm plagued with doubts and uncertainties; what if she doesn't want me to slow her down, because I most certainly will.

Monday morning I'm in Kanab, Utah, having breakfast when I get a message from McKenna  wondering when her Grand Canyon resupply box will arrive. I start worrying that she may not take her zero today in Flag, and will take off before I can join her. I give her a call and tell her I haven't mailed her box yet, but will get it out later today, and it should be to the Grand Canyon as planned by the 28th. "Are you not going to take your zero today?" I innocently ask. She assures me she is not getting back on the trail until tomorrow. Whew. I get back on the road and continue heading to Flagstaff.

The closer to Flagstaff that I get, the more nervous and excited I get. As I pull into the driveway I see my girl working with her tent in the backyard. Perfect, she's there, and you've read her post, so you know what happens.

We're back on the trail again, starting at 7045 feet and setting up camp 6 miles and 150 feet later. A nice woodlands hike. My feet are happy. I'm happy.

A Decision

Monday afternoon, April 23rd, I stared blankly at my tent fly which had taken me 4 hours to set up. I was standing in my friend's yard in Flagstaff, wondering if the new twine I had purchased would do all right on the trail. My other guy lines were in Phoenix, and I hadn't really set up my fly since the central part of the trail due to the wind. Now cold and moisture were potential issues to face north of Flag, and I needed to make sure I was comfortable setting up this...kind of weird design...no offense to my mom who had gotten the one man tent after the last "trail bail." It was during this process that I realized I had left my guy lines in Phoenix where I'd first checked out the tent, and needed to get some rope.

I borrowed Laurie's bike, rode to Safeway, and purchased more ibuprofen and drink powder. They didn't have rope...or sunglasses, which I also needed because my favorite pair of Maui Jim's that I found on a trail are currently hanging on a branch near Pine Spring. So I went to the dollar store in the same strip mall, found some crappy twine and even crappier sunglasses, and rode her bike to Little Ceasars. I scalded my mouth on some really satisfying pepperoni pizza, and then headed back to Laurie's to finish setting up the fly.

Earlier that morning, I had made a decision. From Flagstaff on, I wouldn't plan any more camp spots. I would get up as early as I could muster, push as hard and fast as my body could handle, get water wherever it showed up, and endure that way until the sun set. I'd pull off the trail, set up just the fly over my ground cloth, mattress, and sleeping bag, and sleep in immense pain until morning again. It would be super hard, but that was the point. If I did 25-30 mile days, I wouldn't have time to think. To be alone. To miss human connection. I was going to sacrifice my body in an effort to save my mind. Maybe the solitude was empowering and invigorating before. Now it was crushing me.

I was starting in the morning again after a zero day. But that afternoon, I just stared blankly at my fly, wondering what kind of weather, beauty, and pain awaited me.

A truck pulled up in Laurie's driveway. I assumed it was her roommate who was expected about that time. Instead, a woman popped out and asked if she could use the bathroom. I didn't answer for a second, because her voice threw me off. That was my mom's voice. But this woman didnt have hiker hair like my mom's, and her clothes were nice, and yet...that WAS my mom's truck! I think I laughed for a second, and then started crying as my mom came and hugged me and asked me if she could try one more time.

I think I said, "Yes, please."

My whole mindset changed. We were going to get this thing figured out! My mom had new strategies, and suddenly, instead of a zero day, we were anxious to get a few miles in for the day! We packed up, and put in an easy 6 mile day. We were in the woods. We were on the trail. Together. I wasn't alone, and I wasn't going to shut myself down in order to reach a number. I was really happy. Not everyone has great relationships with their mothers, but I do, and I can't believe what fun we have together.

(She took forever to figure out her phone's camera delay so we could get a selfie...)

I hope to continue that tradition with my daughters, to be a source of joy, comfort, and laughter for them as my mother has been for me.

To be continued...

Oh, Hypothermia? No, Thank You.

I'm sitting in a rented cabin at Mormon Lake, just wishing I could get warm. The heaters are on full, though these baseboard warmers are a joke; I took a hot shower which drained the water heater too quickly; and I even have the stovetop burners on, yet I'm back in all my clothes and jacket, and I can't get warm. It's like my body forgot how to accomplish that.

I've been in intense wind and freezing temperatures forever, I swear. Night after night, day after day, whipping, icy punishment.

This morning, after listening to a very boisterous pack of coyotes all night, 200 yards from my site, I was determined to wait until the sun hit my sleeping bag before I moved.
(Nails = Canine)

(No nails = Feline)

(Last night when I was just settling in.)

Then came the snow. The blustery type that blows upward and smacks you in the face.

Thankfully, I sleep in all my clothes (except my day socks and bra), so I jumped out of my semi-warm haven, shoved everything as quickly as possible into my pack, and got moving. When you're facing the true possibility of hypothermia or frostbite, prevention becomes an art. Can't move too fast or you sweat, and dampness is not good. Can't stop to have your morning business, because geez, on the trail, that's a hit or miss anyway. And can't stop to grab any sustenance because, dang it, the food bag got thrown in first! And by the time you dig for it, fingers will be too frozen to put everything back, despite gloves.

Anyway, I just moved. And truly hated it. Painful. Getting blown off the trail. And slowly shutting down. I've lost some weight, and my body is having a harder time with temperature regulation. Plus the exhaustion and interrupted sleep. If not from animals, then from excruciating pain in my legs. Growing pains, right?? 😝

At one point, the trail crosses Lake Mary Road, and instead of continuing on, I turned north on the road, and stuck my thumb out every time a vehicle came by. I still walked another two miles before a lovely older couple, heading to Flagstaff for some shopping picked me up. I was very grateful. I asked them to take me to Mormon Lake, which was my planned stop for the day, and they graciously obliged. I got a cabin, and tried to start thawing out. I can still hear the wind whistling through the pines outside, and although I missed about 6 miles of trail, I forgive myself and will eat this salad I just got from the steakhouse, lol!

It's very tempting on days like this to call it quits. It's expensive, when I'd planned to just camp here. I have never been so exhausted or mind numb than I am now, and I still run the risk of getting myself into trouble. Hopefully, after 534 miles, though, I have some decent problem solving skills up my sleeve. And if there's anything I can teach my daughters right now, it's perseverance, especially when times are tough. Sometimes the road ahead is obvious and easy.

Sometimes it's not, and it requires strength of mind and character to figure it out. That's what I've done today, and I hope everyone else will forgive those 6 miles, too! 😂

So, onward tomorrow. Horse Lake, then Flagstaff for my resupply. Only two and a half more weeks to go! Should be warmer and drier, something I never thought I'd wish for on the Arizona Trail!

Thank you for all your kind words and thoughts in my direction. I can hear them all! And especially thank you to my partner who now plays a background role, but a vital one nonetheless. And, no, Mom, not the resupply shipping, though that is handy! I mean the support and love from afar. Thank you. 💜

Arg!!

Well, I WAS going to do an amazing post tonight, featuring many great pictures and even a video (oooh...ahhh), but last night I pushed some strange combination of buttons on my phone and it went back to original factory settings. I lost all my pictures from the trail and earlier this year. Ugh. Bummer. This post will just have to be boring! Sorry!

I'm in Payson, which isn't even on the trail, though it is a gateway community. I arrived in Pine at the trailhead around 3:45pm, and made it to my resupply location, THAT Brewery and Pub, by 4pm, but when they checked for my two packages, they weren't there. To make matters worse, all accommodations were booked up because it was the weekend. I was finally able to find a place to crash with a trail angel in Payson. I had to zero out the weekend, though, so I can check on my packages at the post office Monday morning. If they haven't arrived, it'll be a Wal-Mart resupply until I get to my next place in Flagstaff, 6 days away.

My hiking has gone well, though the wind and cold has been too intense. I've been painfully cold at night, but I think I've remedied that as I head into the high country next.

The Mazatzals were both more established and more difficult than I expected, but water was a little more frequent, and I was able to stay one night at a lovely family farm near the East Verde River.

I saw my first snake on the trail. Got pictures and even video of this Arizona Black Rattlesnake. He was so cool. I was going at a pretty good clip when I saw him about a foot in front of me (good cammo in the leaves), but since we both surprised each other, he hardly reacted until I started trying to go widely around him. Then he slithered up a fallen tree, coiled up, and shook his tail in fair warning. I just gave him a wider berth...after getting some awesome video...and went on my way.

I'm still enjoying this process of covering ground one step at a time, but I am struggling to stay in the moment. I miss the girls, my mom and partner, and my Wild Man...and even my work! Maybe it's difficult on me, approaching each day not knowing if I'll get into trouble. Early on, that was a big part of the appeal, the unknown. But I also feel a great sense of appreciation for securities (whether real or imagined) that help keep my life outside the realm of survival. I think survival is supposed to be a temporary state of being, and if I knew this was my new lifestyle, many things would be different. As it is, I feel a great drive to push onward and finish this trail quickly without compromising a quality experience.

...like wresting away my trekking poles from pack mice all night, and finding they had eaten my straps clean off. Ahh. This is the life. 😂

It's All Fun and Games 'Til Someone Gets a Moth in Their Eye

I thought I'd never get it out. It flew right into my eye, chasing after my headlamp last night. The second I blinked, somehow it ended up under my upper eyelid. Since it had such dry wings, with all the dusting on them, my tears did nothing for a while. With no mirror or anyone around to help, I just kept blinking, rubbing, and tried using some water to rinse it out. Finally it came. But my eye was unhappy for a while.

I tell ya, if it's not one thing, it's another.

The past two days I've been in a funk. This weekend was terrific with my girls, using my mom's Hampton Inn reservation for a staycation...

Hanging out with Wild Man's family...

And purchasing my new pants and pack since my old ones were too big. My Osprey would no longer cinch tight enough on my hips, so I was carrying my pack weight on my shoulders towards the end, which is uncomfortable and ineffective. I opted for the Deuter, and am quite happy with it.

My mom also got me a new tent, which I haven't even set up yet. Cowboy camping is just so easy. I had two ladies ride by on horses this evening as I was cooking my dinner and ask if I had my snake rope out. I wonder if you're supposed to do a rope perimeter, and the snakes are fooled by it somehow. Then they asked for my name for when they read about me in the paper...you know...for when I'm famous, not dead.

But despite the fun weekend, I'm in a funk. This whole laughter thing is underrated!! I miss talking and laughing with friends and family. Besides those ladies and a trail crew today, I haven't seen anyone. I wouldn't necessarily say I'm lonely, maybe I'm just low on endorphins despite the sunshine and exercise. And it was hard leaving my girls again, too. Only 4 more weeks, though, and i should be done!! Tomorrow I reach mile 400. Crazy!

The trail has been good, challenging. I fell last week. I'm still sore from that.

Four Peaks and Roosevelt area had a lot of elevation gain, but was pretty.

I'm just past Sunflower now, a town that doesn't even have a vending machine. 😭 And I went under Hwy 87. Next week I'll be in Pine!

Now to eat my chicken burrito now that it has rehydrated... 🤓

I Don't Even Know What Day it Is...

Haven't had service for 40 miles. I think its Tuesday, but I wouldn't put money on it.

That damn sun. It's hot. It's oppressive. I'm very beaten and exhausted. This desert section, with its lack of shade and extremely hot trail has taken its toll. Even I have unexpected blisters after 20 days on the trail without much to speak of. Your feet just cook. And people wonder why I jog downhill....less friction!

I'm in the little town of Superior right now. I hadn't planned to come into town (the trailhead is less than 5 miles away), but I ran out of electrolytes two days ago, and my leg muscles have been seizing all day. Super painful. Probably could get some decent sodium, potassium, and magnesium out of my meals, but yesterday I hiked into the night and fell asleep before eating dinner, too exhausted to move, and this morning was too nauseated to eat more than a Clif Bar.

I tagged along with a few other thru-hikers today to help push me forward. I wanted to sit in the shade...and likely sleep for days...but I knew with only one water source in 22 miles, I needed to push. It would have been dangerous to do otherwise. One girl was pack riding, and she was a positive influence...though I really just wanted to throw my pack and myself on her horse.

The past three days have been hard. I miss my mom. But these days probably would have been very risky for her, too. I know she completed a feat few 61-year-olds could have even dreamed of, but I still wish she was out here with me. I worried all the time, despite her strength and athleticism. I hope she heals perfectly and begins her own journey of pack riding.

I did my first "cowboy camping" last night. I didn't even mean to. There are so many poisonous critters out here, it can be  dangerous to sleep without a barrier. Another thru-hiker, Lucky, found a scorpion on his pack, and a black widow on his hanging socks, all within a matter of minutes. Regardless, I was pushing through last night, trying to get some elevation out of the way before a very hot day, and decided to pull out my pad for a "rest." I was out and didn't wake until 5 am. I woke and packed up to begin hiking again. Some days it's not fun. Some days it's just about moving forward until it IS fun. The sky, at least, was gorgeous, with all the constellation and profiled canyon walls. I worried very little about the fact that it is a heavily populated mountain lion area.

I finally got to FaceTime Wild Man who is doing well in Safford after 232 miles on the trail. The GET is one bushwacking adventure after another. I reached 300 miles today, but never saw a rock sign. Can't believe I'm 21 days into the wilderness. Can't believe I have more than 30 to go!

Had fun with my brother and sister-in-law when they joined us.

I think they were happy to leave early with my mom.

The next day I did my first 26 mile day. The day after that, I followed along the muddy Gila River.

But rarely had access. 😯 It was just a cool, refreshing tease a quarter mile away most of the time. That evening, I saw a pack of a dozen havelinas. They look so weird out here, like they'd be the first bacon sources to disappear, but they are mean, vicious beasts that hold their own.

Nothing else to report, really. It's just one foot in front of the other that has no other purpose than propelling me from one adventure to the next.

Ready for a weekend with my girls! Gotta work hard the next three days to get to Roosevelt by Friday. Can't wait to see their beautiful smiles. 💗

Off the Trail (Heidi)

Well, I'm off the trail again. For good this time. I guess my feet just aren't made for long distance hiking. I'm glad I didn't quit after Patagonia because I think I would have always wondered if I could have done it. Now I know.

McKenna's few blisters were deep and, once drained, left nice thick calluses. My skin is tissue paper thin and tears and shreds, and I kept getting blisters no matter what we tried. Blisters on top of blisters. It's been discouraging and frustrating.

And it's been disappointing, of course, but it's been an interesting three weeks and I wouldn't trade it. I also think all of my training over the last year really paid off... Agility, strength, endurance, flexability are all good. I was tired at the end of each day, exhausted really, but muscles and joints all worked well. I emailed my physical therapist in Montana at one point to remind me how to tape my knee, and she not only emailed me instructions, but taped and photographed her own knee. But even that one problem was minor and more a preventative measure as much as anything.

I met so many interesting people and had so many experiences I would never have had if I had not been on the trail. I might have shed a few tears, but at 95 miles, this is the right decision for me.

McKenna is amazing. She's strong and determined and will probably finish this hike much faster without me. But she WILL finish, of that I have no doubt.

Thanks for all your well wishes and support. I'll be home in Montana by Tuesday night. And on Wednesday I'll start my new hobby: trail riding on horseback!